midnight blush.

my body.
this rain.
i try and stop
myself from
saying stupid
shit. i love you,
but i gave up. i had to.
i didn't want who i
was becoming.
but i wanted you.
all of you.
fuck fear. it ruined my
love for you. i wasn't ready to
love you. it's hard. i'd rather swallow
pills, drown in memories of you.
four summers i hated myself.
cut a little deeper
each time. watched
my body. i liked bleeding.
it reminded me of
being alive. that
sounds way too
fucking cheesy.
i still to this day walk
in thought of you.
listen to my
heartbeat every time
i say your name. it's loud.
it yearns to have your body close.
for your lips to kiss
me in places where it
used to hurt.
still silence... how do i just
say it. i love you.
i like you. all of you.
i like you a lot. your curly
hair. that smile. fuck...me.
i do love you. in my
head, you lived there.
you grew so big there. and you
planted yourself in my brain.
and you dripped through
me. down to my
toes. and i
walked in
thought of you
only for a moment.