it's weird when thoughts like the ones in my head come to mind. they never go away fast. they lurk. they rot. in the back of my throat. watching my friend fade into a man. waiting for it to be my turn. when. why can't i have that ambition to be free from the things at home. when time feels like it could stop it doesn't. it keeps going. it taunts me. and the love i had for you. i knew once before i'd fall in love, but never this fast. never with him. never with that red sweater you held so close. or those curls. it slowly takes over my body and it hurts. saying goodnight never seemed like anything. but when he said it it meant something. it meant someone could see the pain. the Saturdays we never spent. the nights we could've been up all night talking. never happened. they are left behind. i feel it now, the memory escaping my body somehow. slower and slower down to my knees.
it'll come tomorrow.
it'll remind me of the time i could've had with you. or the scent you left.
and it says goodnight.
it lets me sleep tonight.
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