one tuesday night.

i went out tonight. no hesitance. no awkwardness. i just went out. my mother sitting on the couch. watching me. i had said hello. i had kissed her on her forehead. i had said i'd be back before ten. i walked out the door and tried to sing a song. i met a mexican boy named Luis. he drove me around and made me feel heard. drove me around and listened to my rap music. drove me past the places i had kissed other boys. and then silence. just enjoying each others company. each others fucked up way of life. the music isn't the same anymore. i hear it now. it makes sense now. i've tried to let my expectations go. sliding on the bus. i look like a fucking idiot. i cried. i'm done.