what now.

how many times will it take
to figure out that it's just friendship
i just have to face my mistakes
what can i do? i'm asking you God!
when will i be free of this lump in my throat. when will i be able to pass this
judgement. i never gave up on You. i just never felt comfortable speaking to the skies. or wherever You live. i want to believe. but not on my knees.
i need him more than ever.
his hair.
and that voice.
i always manage to fucking romanticize
everything. you fucking me in your car with the lights on.
spitting on me.
scratching my back.
leaving bruises on my legs.
all this work.
what did it get me.
one quick look.
an insult wrapped with your whiskey breath. i'll forget you called.
i'll remind myself of the pain and
the bruises. i want to forget all of this.
but what now.
what am i gonna look forward to.
to the fog. the trees.
or those caramel eyes.
or the way you say my name.
i'll learn how to stop romanticizing.
like when you don't comb your hair.
or those fucking glasses.
and how much i hate seeing you drunk.
but i have to save you.
or i want to save you.